Explosive Holidays

BOOOOMMMMMM!

I jump out of my skin

the house shakes

vibrations reverberate

through the air

An echoing boom

resounds across the street

Fear washes over me 

my heart 

jumps to my throat

pounds a rapid staccato

in my head

Pele’s eyes huge

ears laid flat

she stares 

at the front door

BOOOOMMM!

Another blast

another reverberating echo

My heart slams 

an unnatural beat 

in my chest

This isn’t normal

fireworks, and it’s closer 

than it’s been in the past 

Breathe

I tell myself

Calm down

it’s just neighbors

having fun

BOOOMMMM!

My heart pounds again

threatens to explode

from my chest

I pull the blanket higher

as if I can hide

I get myself

under control

have a few minutes reprieve

before another deep boom

I rationalize

holiday, celebration

I tell myself 

others enjoy this

I wonder how those

suffering PTSD

cope

BOOOMMMM!

Each subsequent blast

rattles my self-control

Breathe deep, calm down,

it won’t last long

I keep repeating

holding back tears

hoping my heart

won’t shatter 

with the next blast.