Poems on damaged relationships

In these days when it seems like freedom of speech is being censored, and even though tolerance is preached, it seems there is a breakdown in acceptance. Here are some poems I've written in 2021 and reworked yesterday:

When Words Fall in Anger

 
The words sting,
A pause, a silence, a rift
I keep my mouth shut
only saying what absolutely
needs to be said
 
I go about my business
trying not to let –
whatever to call it –
affect me
but it’s too late
 
The red hot lava flows
down the volcano’s side
covering everything in the way
dampening light
snuffing out joy
 
That energy
spills into the room
hangs in the air, unseen
yet felt by those
sensitive to such things
 
I contemplate the reasons
for that attitude
part of me understanding
however, that emotional part of me
can’t help but take it personally
 
It’s really not my fault.
I know that.
It’s nothing to do with me.
I know that.
Still, my spirits crash and burn.

Words on a Page

 Words on a page –

a response

to my statements

Opinions –

insinuating I’m wrong

Disbelief –

that I could

have such a different

point of view from them

 

Heaven forbid

I see beyond the surface

Heaven forbid

I speak to what I see

and believe

is really happening

 

Like always,

the old feelings

of displeasing someone

fill me

 

I try not to be angry,

try not to let the hurtful words

bring me down

nor think poorly of those

whom I consider friends

 

I pull back

vow to myself

not to speak freely again

 

But wait!

I refuse to put up

with negative responses

I would not

speak thusly to them

I hold fast my words,

stand strong in my convictions

I don’t require agreement

only respect

I have the right

to my own beliefs!

 

Last I knew

the First Amendment

has not been revoked –

yet –

Is it becoming

freedom of speech

is only for certain people?

 

My choices are

not for argument,

not to name call,

not for debate.

 

And, if at some point,

I am proven wrong,

I will be the first

to admit it.

Severed Friendship

 

Sometimes relationships end

friends become distant

and drift apart

beliefs becoming

intolerable to the other

 

The time comes

to say goodbye

to let it go

for sanity’s sake,

for self-preservation

 

Told to believe in myself

but when my inner wisdom

went against her belief for me

I found I was only respected

when I followed her edicts

 

Disbelief that my views

were so opposite of hers,

her name-calling words

became the knife

that severed the friendship

 

By that point,

I no longer cared.

I handed her

the sharpened knife

and walked away

without retort.

 

 

Sometimes Life is Like This

 

Heated words

tear me to the soul

rubbing salt into

an already open wound

festering within

I cry for hours

Sandpaper tears

make my eyes

heavy and sore

my mind feels lost

issues pile upon issues

as one thing after another

seems to go wrong

or gets too complicated

I cry for hours

Emotional scars deepen 

I claw feebly

at the walls

trying to get back

my usual positive vibes

but with no energy

left to spare this day

I don’t care

I wallow in misery

and cry for hours

Sometimes life is like this

--Sasha Wolfe

A Poem of my Aging

 

I feel I’ve lived

a hundred lifetimes

have cried a billion or more tears

I feel I’ve traveled

millions of miles

climbed thousands of mountains

and crawled through a myriad

of twisted mazes in underground caverns

on my hands and knees

 

I feel I’ve knelt

at the feet of God

walked with Jesus

over burning sands

meditated with Buddha

and attended rites

honoring Osiris and Cleopatra

 

I swam rivers

dove in oceans

floated on clouds

high above the earth

and laid in cool green grasses

on a hot summer day

  

I’ve heard thousands of words

listened to tales of wisdom

stories of success and of woe

and the fake promises

of false-hearted men

 

Everything I know

Everything I thought I knew

Everything I envisioned

dissipates like early morning fog

warmed by a dull sun

 

Heart-wise these days, though,

I feel little warmth

Things ethereal I’ve touched

but never fully grasped

have slid through cold fingers

 

                                                           I now rest in this humble body

as it ages and decays

mind tired but still active

as I watch events of the world

Glory witnessed

has been shrouded

with fear, dissension, hatred

I cower behind my moat

wondering who will

come for me first.

Seismic Relationships

 

One wrong word

one wrong action

When I can’t/won’t respond

to pull of puppet strings

heat and friction crack the rock

 

The relationship fractures

aftershock rips through my soul

self-doubt runs rampant

and old, buried feelings

bubble up from deep inside

 

I pull myself together

as the figure across the chasm fades

I contemplate the jump

weigh the consequences

of friendship

 

Can I make the leap?

Do I want to?

I look across the gap

Is the relationship worth it

or is it time to move on?

 

I do what I often do

wait for the tremors to cease

go on as if nothing happened

forgive, let it pass.

--Sasha Wolfe

Glacial Slip

 

Walking the knife edge of ice

careful with footed words

too easily misunderstood

the relationship became brittle

 

Over time differences in beliefs

with underlying structures

moving at different speeds

caused the glacier to fracture

 

The crevasse widened

and for a while I clung

trying to be a good friend

accepting her for who she is

 

I acknowledge

my faults and guilt

admit where I lack

try to be better

 

But at the same time

I hold onto who I am

I stand strong

in my beliefs

 

Maybe it’s time to let go

I slip off the edge

trusting there’s a hand hold

to help me up the other side.

--Sasha Wolfe