Saturday, December 23, 2017

Do You Hate Me?

First, an explanation:
Sometimes words just come to me. One simple thought can be the key that unlocks the flow, an opening of a door to something greater than just me. It’s not planned. There’s no pattern. I can’t control it. It just happens and can happen at any moment.

It often starts from my own self ponderings, one small thought that becomes much more. It’s as if the self ponderings slip me into another realm and I connect to a greater whole; that web of emotional energy floating around the universe.

At that point, it isn’t just about me. It’s a connection to others who have similar struggles. The feelings become mish-mashed between mine and other. Poetry puts words to feelings; feelings that are often hard to express or talk about. We can’t escape from our feelings. They hide at the bottom of our wells growing like mold if we don’t shed light on them.

These words flowing through me and up out of me help release the emotional ups and downs of life. Seeing the words written helps me better understand the humanness of life and brings light to my darkest sorrows. I find forgiveness for myself and others. As I dare to speak my truths, and acknowledge and heal my darkness, I hope my light can shine in the world to help others. 

Below is such a poem, and as many of my poems, on the outside it seems sad, but for me, it’s a wonderful release. It’s shining light on my darkest fears, and that, my friends, is a big step in healing and a reason to feel joy.

Do you hate me?

Do you hate me?
My mind knows the answer
as the question
slips into my being
as I sit here 
feeling unwanted

Do you hate me?
as I blame myself
for staying away
for isolating 
for avoiding those
who might love me

Do you hate me?
as I steel myself
from love
keeping it at a distance
because it hurts too much
up close

Do you hate me?
As I struggle
to not hate myself
for being different,
as I fight off
feelings of guilt
for not being
who I think others
want of me

Do you hate me? 
Because my choices
take courage
to choose my own path
to avoid the norm
of what might 
be expected of me

Do you hate me?
My mind knows the answer
as the question
slips into my being
as I sit here 
feeling unwanted
yet alive
in my creativity.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

A Poem for Mourning

Your heart breaks
a thousand times
your soul rips to shreds;
the pain so bad
you feel you can’t
take any more

How can you
go on?
How can you face
another tomorrow?
You want to die, too …
but you don’t

You get up in the morning
put one foot
in front of the other
get through another day …
another night …
another day …

You go from intense pain
to feeling numb
sometimes the loss
is too overpowering
sometimes it hurts so bad
it feels the sorrow
will eat you alive

You feel alone
you feel no one understands
no one can know your loss.
sometimes it feels like
you’ll never get over it
that a part of you
has died, too.

You know others love you 
but they have
their own lives
they go home
to their togetherness
and you feel alone

But you go on …
slowly … day after day
and one day you pick
up the brush
paint a sky 
with your tears

Flowers and leaves
blossom from the shattered
pieces of your heart
and fall like raindrops
onto the canvas
the landscape dotted
with budding ashes

You stand back
look at your work
see the beauty 
beyond the tears
the life in the pain
comfort in sorrow

To know true love
is to feel the deep pain 
of intense loss
To know true love
is to find the courage 
to live

Healing will come
For now, allow the sorrow 
Remember others care
others are just a call 
or a prayer away
you are never truly alone.

The Strangest Gift

On a pre-dawn Christmas morn
Mum left this world
Mum, who loved Christmas, 
had one last gift
to give

With her passing 
she gave me 
the strangest 
and greatest gift – 

With her passing
she received 
her greatest gift –
she, too, got

With each passing year
she keeps giving
as I continue to receive gifts
in understanding 
our life and relationship

Merry Christmas, Mum
I love you and miss you
so much 
We will always be part
of each other.

Thank you.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017


Mind in chaos
runs in circles
explodes into a 
thousand fragments

My carefully-built walls
crash to the ground
buries me under
piles of rocks and debris
and darkness

Flicker of light
heart flutters 
fingers wriggle
leg stretches

Whisper of fresh air
deep inhale
lungs cough up
dust and dirt

I move 
slowly, painfully
inch by inch
crawling over
broken fragments
of my life

At dawn
I rise to my feet
brush myself off
give thanks 
to the universe

And pick up 
my pen.

-Sasha Wolfe

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Moment Before Rest

wrapped its cloak
around my throat
and squeezed

My heart beat furiously
thoughts stampeded
down the well
falling …
falling …
falling …

Landing softly
in shallow water
I rested in cool shadow
‘til my mind calmed
and the darkness
soothed my soul
into sleep

In the morning
I became whole
and crawled out.

--Sasha Wolfe

Monday, September 18, 2017

Battle Scarred with Love

I look back with yearning
for things I never said
I look back with sadness
on things she never bled

Silent battle lines 
between mother and daughter
parental dictates
harsh criticisms
strewn from deep love
and a need to protect
shadowed in a lie
too deep to reveal

An unspeakable war
so emotionally difficult 
because the love
was so great
that survival depended on
building strong walls

But something deep inside 
Something deep inside 

Wisdom flowed 
from pain
blossomed into
And after too many years
and it being too late for us
today I stand 
empty with the knowledge
of knowing who
I am
And knowing
she’d be proud.

I love you, mum!
I miss you so much!

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Explosive Holidays

I jump out of my skin
the house shakes
vibrations reverberate
through the air
An echoing boom
resounds across the street

Fear washes over me 
my heart 
jumps to my throat
pounds a rapid staccato
in my head

Pele’s eyes huge
ears laid flat
she stares 
at the front door

Another blast
another reverberating echo
My heart slams 
an unnatural beat 
in my chest
This isn’t normal
fireworks, and it’s closer 
than it’s been in the past 

I tell myself
Calm down
it’s just neighbors
having fun

My heart pounds again
threatens to explode
from my chest
I pull the blanket higher
as if I can hide

I get myself
under control
have a few minutes reprieve
before another deep boom
I rationalize
holiday, celebration
I tell myself 
others enjoy this
I wonder how those
suffering PTSD

Each subsequent blast
rattles my self-control
Breathe deep, calm down,
it won’t last long
I keep repeating
holding back tears
hoping my heart
won’t shatter 
with the next blast.

Monday, July 31, 2017


A thump, a flash
little feathered friend
disappeared over the edge
of the deck

I ran out
not quick enough for rescue
yellow paws batting 
the now silent body
far under the deck

Noooo, not a catbird!
Not one of my favorites!
I stooped to get under 
banged my head on a joist
picked up the still-warm 
broken body

Cradling it in my palms
willing it to live -- too late
tears flowed, heart broken
I stumbled out
from under the deck
yellow body rubbed 
against my legs

I couldn’t be angry
he was just being a cat
this is what cats do
and I had to admire his agility 
to jump from ground to the deck
make a quick grab
falling back to the ground 
with his catch

Still, my heart bled a river
that ran down my cheeks
Purring fluff followed 
as, instead of burying
I gently laid the tiny body
in a crook of small spruce
hoping against hope
it would recover
and fly away free. 

-- Sasha Wolfe

Friday, June 9, 2017

Silent Pleading

The mouth opens
in a silent cry
the eyes speaking 
the thousand words
the voice cannot say,
“Love me!”

I lean 
on the railing
yellow pussy-paws
reaching up 
to rest on my chest
“Love me!”

He stretches
farther upward 
his fur-face
to rub against 
my old one
“Love me!” 

How can I refuse?
I bend down
cuddle the long
lean body
and whisper,
“I love you.”

Monday, May 22, 2017

A Meditation

The body and mind 
The stress of the day 
Surrounded by white light
a question was asked
of God

“Do you care what I wear?”

Cautious words 
sent out on the ethers
and I immediately 
felt myself transported
to stand before him
stripped bare, naked

Sunshine-warm kindness
enveloped me
filled me
quelled the brief flash 
of fear
the shame of this 
physical body

I raised my eyes
gazed into
pure light
pure love

Words in feelings
permeated my entire
this wasn’t about 
naked flesh
this wasn’t about 
the human-body

I stood before him
naked in my soul
there was nothing to hide
nothing he couldn’t see

I felt 
no fear
no judgment
Just simple love

It was the
And it was 

How we 
our physical 
is of no concern 
to him

What matters is
how we 

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The Importance of Green

I wore the green
of spring
I wore the green 
to give
I wore the green 
on days I thought
I could never sing

I walked the green 
in spring
I walked the green
to think
I walked the green
to let its life
into my heart … sink

I felt the green
of life
Release pain and stress 
and strife
It filled my mind and soul 
with fire 
creative passion inspired.

-- Sasha Wolfe

Monday, March 13, 2017


The downdraft slams the ground
blasting wind down the mountainside
ripping words from my soul 

Phrases slap against my mind
like my hair whipping
against my face
until my eyes fill with tears

It stings 
vision blurs
and I’m blind to all else

The gusts die down
the moment passes
I am left gasping and staring
at the debris
strewn across the page

Slowly I pick myself up
gather my thoughts
sort through 
the scattering of words

A poem is released.

--Sasha Wolfe

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Tidal Wave

This is what it’s like when a poem comes to me…

Tidal Wave

Something within opens wide 
and I am slammed
words and passion
pour into my soul
with tidal-wave force

I can’t catch my breath
I have to get it down
have to release the words
that are churning inside
that threaten to explode

But my hand  
can’t move fast enough
the pen skips
I struggle to get
the words on the page

My mind is drowning
I write quickly
to channel this flood
before the waters recede
before it abandons me

Suddenly it’s over
leaving me 
gasping for breath
on the drying shore
spent, but relieved

I relax in the sun
excited I’ve been given
another poem.
    ---Sasha Wolfe ‘16

There’s an immense in-pouring that needs to immediately be released. There’s a definite feeling of being a channel. The words pour in and through me.

In Warm Sunlight

Sun’s rays filtering 
through trees
on a chilled
frosty morning

Golden light reflecting
on still-wet leaves
creates spots of
brightness and shadow

Slow footsteps  
Shuffle softly
among the fallen
reds, yellows, browns

In a hunched-over
I search the ground
for the right shot.

--Sasha Wolfe