Grieving for my Dying Kitty

Grief
runs down my face,
breaks my heart in a thousand pieces,
makes my eyes and face swell and
my nose so sore from wiping it
I can hardly touch it
 
Grief
causes a horrific, pounding headache,
and stomach so in knots
I feel like throwing up
Emotions well up
threatening to strangle me
 
Grief
So sharp I can’t function
I just want to lie down
but there’s no sleep to calm
a sorrow so deep
I don’t know how I can go on
 
Grief
She hasn’t eaten in days
water bowls still full
The box delivered from Chewy.com
sits unopened on the floor
her food and water dishes untouched
opening the cabinet with her food and treats
seeing her toys in a bowl
start the tears flowing again
and vocal sobs
leap from my parched throat
 
Grief
Her purrs so diminished now
I have to put my ear down to hear
but she doesn’t want me close
she’s not interested in cuddles or pats
It’s like she’s already
moving away from me
 
And seeing neighbor Leo-kitty
makes my soul hurt even more
for my own kitty-love
to be healthy and happy
 
Grief
I can’t take it.
A part of me is dying with her
and the sobs consume me
I don’t want to let her go
but if it’s her time…
 
Grief
And the guilt
Am I doing enough?
Is it right to force her?
 
She hides under the bed
her sad dark eyes
looking out at me
 
I painfully lie down on the floor
knees screaming
reach under for a pat
she hardly purrs
and my heart shatters even more
as part of me is dying, too.
 
Grief
Another night
one more chance
but not any better,
she goes to her eternal rest
 
I’m relieved for her
but my heart still aches
I can no longer call out,
“Kitty, I’m home!”
and have her come running,
“Meow, meow, meow.”
 
Grief
I am shattered
but at least
she’s now at peace
and no longer suffering.
 
--Sasha Wolfe